Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Great News at the Doctors Office!
Blood pressure down, got rid of most of my water weight, labs were great! It is very likely that I will be able to hold on to the baby a few more weeks! Such a relief. I am still on bedrest, I am able to get up when I need to and can. Still not supposed to go out. Doc said "New Moon is out for you" haha Because of how quickly the blood pressure goes up, I will still need to go in for nonstress test 2 times a week. Thank heaven for modern medicine, and a patient doctor. Emily just did the sweetest thing for me. She brought up 2 glasses of ice water and a bag of fruit and veggies: 2 bananas, 2 oranges, 2 apples, and a handful of grapes and carrots. She is such a sweet girl and takes such good care of me. Last night we had a great meal brought in. Lisa Poll and Anne Cameron brought in Cinncinatti Chili. It is angel hair pasta with a beanless sweet chili served over it, and you can add beans, onions, cheese and sour cream to the top. A yummy salad with homemade ranch, and gingersnap cookies. We've been eating really good this week thanks to the relief society. Taco soup from Jodi DaBell, and crockpot chicken and veggies from Tausha Baker. Elizabeth Demuzio also brought in really good potato bacon soup with homemade wheat bread. Kids have a half day today. They are so excited for Thanksgiving holiday.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Things are going pretty good
While I still have headaches everyday, they have not been quite as severe of lasting as long. (knock on wood--I usually regret optimism, because the headaches come on fast, but I am hopeful.) I have been a really good girl and stayed down, and it has really made a diffrence. We have had a couple meals brought in, and that makes everyone feel better. Curt and Melissa organized a family fast for me and the baby, and sean and the kids. I really think that that makes a big diffrence as well. I have started a new medication for blood pressure that I think makes a diffrence. Tomorrow I meet with the doctor, and he will review the tests and let me know where we go from here. I feel very confident that we will be able to hold on to the baby for a while longer. Sooooo greatful for all the thoughts, prayers and fast!!!!!
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Could be better news.......
I went to the doctor today. I have a problem with getting a little too enthusiastic with due dates. I generally inch up the date a few days, for example I am due Feb 7th according to my first ultrasound, my 2nd ultrasound said Feb 2nd, so I prefer to be due Feb 2nd. 5 days is generally not too big of a deal, but if you have a premature baby, each day is so important. So while I don't know to the day, I am considered 28 weeks (I thought I was 30 weeks.)
Our last baby was born 7 weeks early at 4 pounds 6 ounces. I got preeclampsia all of the sudden and was in the hospital about 4 days before she was born. Those 4 days were tough, but she was given 3 hormone shots to strengthen her lungs, and I was so well monitored. She was in the NICU for under 2 weeks. While there she only needed to put on weight to maintain her temp, develop a sucking reflex, and they were so impressed with how quickly she did this. Apparently if you deliver early, it is a better situation if they are girls (they are fighters!) She has never had any health problems.
I never realized what a dangerous situation we were in, and I did not realize how lucky we were especially with her. Recently I have heard scary stories of babies born even less premature as her, and I am begining to realize that we were truly blessed.
Today I went into my doctor, and my blood pressure was high. There was also the added benefit of 7 pounds in 19 days! Of course there is the issue of my headaches, and I have been taking quite a bit of medication. My doctor was quite concerned, and has ordered additional tests, and I will be going in to have the baby monitored 2 times a week. I go back in to him next week to find out the results and make a plan. He prepared me that depending on the results, we may need to deliver the baby soon. Of course that will require hospital for me and NICU for baby. I asked if it would help for me to do more, or if I should do when I able and relax the rest of the time. He said that my time of doing things was done until we deliver. So while I have been staying in bed, It sounds like it is official now.
I have to admit that the reality of this is hitting me. I have not taken my health too seriously up to this point, and while no severe problems have been confirmed, I know that I need to be careful. I know that we will be okay, but please pray for us. I hate to ask you to pray for me and my health, but I especially worry for the baby, Sean for the burden he carries, and the added stress on Nate Jaron and Emily. As Sean works a 7 on 7 off schedule, when I am not downstairs with the kids, they get pretty restless, and I worry about them.
I will update when I know more, but right now I feel a little shocked and uncertain. I do feel so greatful for a wonderful doctor who is also our home teacher. He does truly care about our entire family, and that is so reassuring. Thank you to friends and family for your thoughts, prayers and help!
Our last baby was born 7 weeks early at 4 pounds 6 ounces. I got preeclampsia all of the sudden and was in the hospital about 4 days before she was born. Those 4 days were tough, but she was given 3 hormone shots to strengthen her lungs, and I was so well monitored. She was in the NICU for under 2 weeks. While there she only needed to put on weight to maintain her temp, develop a sucking reflex, and they were so impressed with how quickly she did this. Apparently if you deliver early, it is a better situation if they are girls (they are fighters!) She has never had any health problems.
I never realized what a dangerous situation we were in, and I did not realize how lucky we were especially with her. Recently I have heard scary stories of babies born even less premature as her, and I am begining to realize that we were truly blessed.
Today I went into my doctor, and my blood pressure was high. There was also the added benefit of 7 pounds in 19 days! Of course there is the issue of my headaches, and I have been taking quite a bit of medication. My doctor was quite concerned, and has ordered additional tests, and I will be going in to have the baby monitored 2 times a week. I go back in to him next week to find out the results and make a plan. He prepared me that depending on the results, we may need to deliver the baby soon. Of course that will require hospital for me and NICU for baby. I asked if it would help for me to do more, or if I should do when I able and relax the rest of the time. He said that my time of doing things was done until we deliver. So while I have been staying in bed, It sounds like it is official now.
I have to admit that the reality of this is hitting me. I have not taken my health too seriously up to this point, and while no severe problems have been confirmed, I know that I need to be careful. I know that we will be okay, but please pray for us. I hate to ask you to pray for me and my health, but I especially worry for the baby, Sean for the burden he carries, and the added stress on Nate Jaron and Emily. As Sean works a 7 on 7 off schedule, when I am not downstairs with the kids, they get pretty restless, and I worry about them.
I will update when I know more, but right now I feel a little shocked and uncertain. I do feel so greatful for a wonderful doctor who is also our home teacher. He does truly care about our entire family, and that is so reassuring. Thank you to friends and family for your thoughts, prayers and help!
Monday, November 16, 2009
Oh, you're THAT mom!
No mother wants to hear that saying. That is because it usually has a negative connotation with it: ...the mom who gets after the kids friends whenever her child is sad, who lets her kids drink at their house because it is safer that having them go out to do it, who thinks her child couldn't possibly be the one who caused the trouble at school, who makes her daughter say they are sisters, etc. While not any of these listed above, this weekend I became the mom who leads her child in juvenile delinquincy! Luckily I had a partner in crime: Sean. *I did have to tie him down with duct tape and throw him in the car, but he would still be guilty by association by law.*
A week and a half ago was the elections for Student Body President. Friday was speeches and voting, and while they did try to get results before the weekend, due to absenses and close numbers, they needed to wait till Monday for results. When Nate came home that day I asked him how it went. He acted all mad and said "well I learned that I am totally going to be toliet papering (the friend who won)'s house. We laughed and visited, and that was all that was said. A year or two ago we started a tradition of having a Friday the 13th party for the kids and their friends. This past Friday was yet another. I gave in, since there has been like 4 Friday the 13ths and we had only had 1 party.
For the first couple hours I was up with a headache, I got feeling a little better, so I decided to join the group. The boys were talking about girls, and "revenge", and pranks, etc. I started to look on facebook and saw that it was this girls birthday and that they were having a girls late night over there. I said to the boys "Guess who else is having a late night" Oh man, the excitement and ideas started flying! I quickly realized that eventually these boys are going to play some of these pranks on people, and you know 10 year old boys: not all of them are appropriate. So I in my wisdom decided "Hey this is a great opportunity to teach them a lesson of how to play pranks so that if can be fun to all."
Sean and I threw the 2 youngest kids, 2 middle boys, a friend in a wheelchair, nate 5 other friends a roll of toliet paper, forks, and a door knocker into the back of the explorer and drove to the next street so that they all could be involved.
I should have brought earplugs, because it was one noisy car! They were so excited, and so I had to gain control of the noise and say: "Have you ever done this before? Well I have, so you better listen to me so that you don't get yourselves in trouble!" I preceded to tell them the rules, and said "You can ONLY do this ONCE every TWO years! Otherwise it will be a problem, and you will get in trouble! No the toliet paper cannot get wet, and No you cannot throw it over the house. No eggs, No shaving cream, it is not okay to gather all the stinky diapers in the neighborhood and deposit them on the yard, no silly notes, and this is why......." *I hope that I answered their questions, and drew a complete black and white picture for them.*
So, 2 grab toliet paper, and 2 grab forks. Now you have to picture this. That house is so bright! ALL of the exterior lights are on, and both the mom and dad are sitting on the front couch! There are cars driving by, street lights, and neighbors at home with their lights on! Not to mention we are practically in front of their home in our car with our parking lights on! hehehe I am totally laughing with Sean watching one of the boys knocking on the garage window (it was supposed to go on a basement window when they were all finished) while one is trying to spread TP, and the other 2 right by the front steps trying to insert forks into frozen lawn. Then seriously 30 seconds into it we see the dad run out, and we hear girls running out and all the kids screaming and running. When we get home, 2 of the 5 come home.....the other 3 are MIA and likely POWs! "We have to go back and get them" the 2 say. "No you can't!" I say. "Your parents will be here any minute." Like a coward I say "Sean, why don't you go get them!" "You started this he said!" I hate it when he is right! So I go to get them, and they are not at the girls house! Jaron and Jake who wanted to do the rescue mission but settled for the lookout from the front steps told me they saw some people run to the park. So I head down the next street only to find 3 boys toliet papering their teachers house! (Our backyard neighbor!) *Quick story: When I was a sophomore in HS I dabbled in pranks like this. I bought a toliet from the DI for $5, my friends and I put it in my seminary teachers yard with a silly note. What I did not know was that he and his wife were watching us from the front window (I only said I did it, I didn't say I was good at it!) Before we knew it the teacher FLEW out the door with a super soaker, scared the crap out of me and we each (Me the worst because I was the slowest) got so wet! I remember feeling guilty, but his wife actually thanked me. She said: "He is new to the school, and we always know that when students care enough to do this to us that we have passed the test!" Mr. Hall: I sure hope you feel the same way, because I know that those boys did it because they like you.
Now his house was really funny to watch them do, because they did not get "caught". Once again you could see my tailights (I guess I was the get away car!), but one neighbor was watching from his big picture window, cars kept passing, and the neighbor girl of their close friends got dropped off, and looked over too!
When I got them home I once again laid out the law to them, we got a good laugh and went to bed hoping that we were not the next target that night. Well, the lesson did not end there. Remember my #1 goal: It needs to be fun for everyone involved: well, that night we got SNOW. So I woke Nate up at 6:30 am and said "We had fun, but now we have some consequences: snow=wet toliet paper! Now we have to go clean it up!" So we went to work before we would get caught, hoping that he had seen it the night before (we left the bags on the steps just in case.) We drove by the girls house, but either the boys didn't do too much damage, or the girls had picked them up the night before. Then we got a sausage biscuit from McDonalds and visited on the way home. It was truly a unique mother son experience, but we had fun, and I hope that I was able to teach him a good lesson from it, I know they had a blast! I feel so greatful for good families, and for great friends for my children (and teachers!) Thanks for all you do to support me and my family!
A week and a half ago was the elections for Student Body President. Friday was speeches and voting, and while they did try to get results before the weekend, due to absenses and close numbers, they needed to wait till Monday for results. When Nate came home that day I asked him how it went. He acted all mad and said "well I learned that I am totally going to be toliet papering (the friend who won)'s house. We laughed and visited, and that was all that was said. A year or two ago we started a tradition of having a Friday the 13th party for the kids and their friends. This past Friday was yet another. I gave in, since there has been like 4 Friday the 13ths and we had only had 1 party.
For the first couple hours I was up with a headache, I got feeling a little better, so I decided to join the group. The boys were talking about girls, and "revenge", and pranks, etc. I started to look on facebook and saw that it was this girls birthday and that they were having a girls late night over there. I said to the boys "Guess who else is having a late night" Oh man, the excitement and ideas started flying! I quickly realized that eventually these boys are going to play some of these pranks on people, and you know 10 year old boys: not all of them are appropriate. So I in my wisdom decided "Hey this is a great opportunity to teach them a lesson of how to play pranks so that if can be fun to all."
Sean and I threw the 2 youngest kids, 2 middle boys, a friend in a wheelchair, nate 5 other friends a roll of toliet paper, forks, and a door knocker into the back of the explorer and drove to the next street so that they all could be involved.
I should have brought earplugs, because it was one noisy car! They were so excited, and so I had to gain control of the noise and say: "Have you ever done this before? Well I have, so you better listen to me so that you don't get yourselves in trouble!" I preceded to tell them the rules, and said "You can ONLY do this ONCE every TWO years! Otherwise it will be a problem, and you will get in trouble! No the toliet paper cannot get wet, and No you cannot throw it over the house. No eggs, No shaving cream, it is not okay to gather all the stinky diapers in the neighborhood and deposit them on the yard, no silly notes, and this is why......." *I hope that I answered their questions, and drew a complete black and white picture for them.*
So, 2 grab toliet paper, and 2 grab forks. Now you have to picture this. That house is so bright! ALL of the exterior lights are on, and both the mom and dad are sitting on the front couch! There are cars driving by, street lights, and neighbors at home with their lights on! Not to mention we are practically in front of their home in our car with our parking lights on! hehehe I am totally laughing with Sean watching one of the boys knocking on the garage window (it was supposed to go on a basement window when they were all finished) while one is trying to spread TP, and the other 2 right by the front steps trying to insert forks into frozen lawn. Then seriously 30 seconds into it we see the dad run out, and we hear girls running out and all the kids screaming and running. When we get home, 2 of the 5 come home.....the other 3 are MIA and likely POWs! "We have to go back and get them" the 2 say. "No you can't!" I say. "Your parents will be here any minute." Like a coward I say "Sean, why don't you go get them!" "You started this he said!" I hate it when he is right! So I go to get them, and they are not at the girls house! Jaron and Jake who wanted to do the rescue mission but settled for the lookout from the front steps told me they saw some people run to the park. So I head down the next street only to find 3 boys toliet papering their teachers house! (Our backyard neighbor!) *Quick story: When I was a sophomore in HS I dabbled in pranks like this. I bought a toliet from the DI for $5, my friends and I put it in my seminary teachers yard with a silly note. What I did not know was that he and his wife were watching us from the front window (I only said I did it, I didn't say I was good at it!) Before we knew it the teacher FLEW out the door with a super soaker, scared the crap out of me and we each (Me the worst because I was the slowest) got so wet! I remember feeling guilty, but his wife actually thanked me. She said: "He is new to the school, and we always know that when students care enough to do this to us that we have passed the test!" Mr. Hall: I sure hope you feel the same way, because I know that those boys did it because they like you.
Now his house was really funny to watch them do, because they did not get "caught". Once again you could see my tailights (I guess I was the get away car!), but one neighbor was watching from his big picture window, cars kept passing, and the neighbor girl of their close friends got dropped off, and looked over too!
When I got them home I once again laid out the law to them, we got a good laugh and went to bed hoping that we were not the next target that night. Well, the lesson did not end there. Remember my #1 goal: It needs to be fun for everyone involved: well, that night we got SNOW. So I woke Nate up at 6:30 am and said "We had fun, but now we have some consequences: snow=wet toliet paper! Now we have to go clean it up!" So we went to work before we would get caught, hoping that he had seen it the night before (we left the bags on the steps just in case.) We drove by the girls house, but either the boys didn't do too much damage, or the girls had picked them up the night before. Then we got a sausage biscuit from McDonalds and visited on the way home. It was truly a unique mother son experience, but we had fun, and I hope that I was able to teach him a good lesson from it, I know they had a blast! I feel so greatful for good families, and for great friends for my children (and teachers!) Thanks for all you do to support me and my family!
Confessions of a natural smiler
To understand this statement you have to understand me. While I have suffered severe headaches this last year, and do not smile as much as I usually do, I am a habitual constant smiler. When I recieve a compliment, it is usually for my smile. When Sean recieves a compliment about me it is usually "Man, your wife sure has a beautiful smile." My uncles friend Poo who owns the local chinese resturaunt says "Michelle, you my very loyal customer, you always have a smile, you look like you haven't got a care in the world!" I tell him it is because I am at his resturaunt, and love his peanut chicken, then he brings me a plate of it to make me smile again! (I love that stroy! but back to the blog!)
I come by my smile honestly, and for that I am greatful. My dad is a natrual smiler too. By the age of 4 he would occasionally play in the band with brothers and cousins. He loves all types of music and that is a love that has been passed on as well. I think that my smile has benefited me in my life, I can think of a couple times it has won me jobs. Applying for my first at ISU Speech Path, as a 18 year old work study, I know that when I was asked about my computer experience and I said "Well I love to play solitare, I think I really teaches you how to use a mouse" probably wasn't what won me the job! hehe
I know I have inherited my smile from my dad. I have 2 brothers from his current marriage. While I have not had the priveldge of straight teeth and braces, You can tell we are brothers and sister because we have the same big smiles, and I would go as far as calling them permagrins! A few years back we all went to an amusement center where everything was dark, except the things that were white were really florescent! It was like being in Alice in Wonderland, and all you could see was 4 Chesshire smiles!
I am proud of my smile, but it has gotten me into trouble a few times. When I worked at the Health Department I occasionally met funeral home directors who came for death certificates. Apparently they only like to work with people who can have a serious face all the time. I asked on of them "I know that death is a sad thing, but why are all you guys always so serious all the time? It makes me nervous!" He smiled a little and said "We are not allowed to smile during work. People don't trust us if we do. Can you imagine if we did: Everyone would think 'hey look at that jerk! We just lost our __________ and all he can think about is the money it is making for him." I though that was a point well taken. While I am still usually the only person at a funeral smiling, I try to hide behind Seans shoulder so that it is not blaring at the families. But I do still stick out!
Another cause for trouble is picture time! Especailly when I was young and beautiful---while it was over 10 years ago, it is a true story, they were always trying to get those serious shots. " "Look lovingly into his eyes, don't smile so big, don't laugh, think about something really deep and meaningful," were always the things that were said to me. The few serious photos they tried to take of me were a joke, because you would see Sean looking so sweet and sexy, and you would see me with a smurk from trying to be serious, but that smile just came anyway.
Yet another time for trouble is when you are walking into labor with a big smile on your face, and say "I think I am in labor!" Nurses response: "Oh no you are not honey, trust me, you would not be smiling." The reason for the problem: They find out you are dilated to almost a 5 and when they ask if you want an epidural, and you say "do it get much worse than this?" they say "Oh no honey, You are past the worst part of it. There is nothing more exhilarating then knowing that you gave birth to your child without any pain meds." Ya, that is such a lie. After 4 hours of pushing a transverse baby, using the vaccume multiple times, forcepts, adding an extra obstatrition I was begging him "Please, can't you do anything for me!?!" The only thing that got that kid delivered was when the doctors started telling nurses we would need an emergancy Csection. I was so angry, that after all I went thru, there was no way I was having surgery to boot, so I pushed that baby out, I did not care what the ramifications would be to my body!
Lesson 4. Believe it or not, I did try out for drill team in Junior High. I tried so hard, and I really hoped to be chosen, but many 12 year olds lack the coordination to move, smile and count at the same time. While other girls moved and counted, I smiled and moved, but without the counting, you end up moving like a monkey. Dang! No drill team for me. boo.
My final curse of smiling: Let me begin by saying I love to sing. In my head I am a really good singer. Since I have only ever been in the basic choirs, I have never had anything say "she is a really good singer, what a beautiful voice." As a child and teen, I would sit in my room for hours singing various songs. I would sing my heart out in the car and shower when no one was around. I would make recordings of myself singing, and listen to them to see if they were really good. I also loved musicals, my favorites being Joseph and the Amazing technicolored dream coat and Fiddler on the Roof. My Junior year of high school, Poky put on the play Fiddler on the roof! I was elated. I had seen that show a hundred times, and sung to it a million times. No one could be more qualified than me. I was pretty sure that I would have my pick of leading female parts. We had to prepare an audition piece. All the girls did 'matchmaker', and the choir and drama directors were very sick of that, but that was not a problem for me because I chose 'Anatevka' a song about the poor families being driven out of their homes and community. I practiced and practiced, and come tryouts I was prepared and confident! I sang with all my heart, and I didn't feel one bit nervous. When the results were posted, I knew that noone could have wanted it more than me, so I looked at the list, and moved lower, and lower, and reached the bottom. My name was not even on the list. I was not even one of the 60 townspeople, or a person who was on stage to move props! I knew this had to be a mistake, so I asked one of my good friends Eric, who worked closely with the drama teacher and was at all of the auditions. "Why did I not get in?" He though back to the auditions and chuckled. Soon his chuckles turned into a belly laugh, then a belly laugh that hurts. When he could catch his composure (and breat) he said "Michelle, you were so funny! You were up there just as happy as could be, Huge smile, singing, just like this was the best day of your life. (Sounded like a compliment to me.) He contuned: "But Michelle, that song is about the worst day of peoples lives. They are being driven from their homes, and they already were living under such awful circumstances, and things would only be getting worse. You totally should have been so lonely and bewildered that the words could hardly come to you!" "Oh," I said. "So basically I was too happy?" "Yep." he said. "Well, if it matters, I am not feeling to great now." I said. I think that was too little too late, because the play went on without me.
So, while I did learn these lessons, I am afraid I am one of those people who has to learn them a few times. I still cannot be serious for photos, and I go into the doctors in a lot of pain with a big smile on my face and say "I'm doing pretty good". I have not tried to dance or participate in a musical since that, and I still smile at funerals. I honestly don't think that will ever change, but unless you are in for a good laugh, If the Mystique ever puts on "Joseph" or "Fiddler" you probably should not tell me. I have pictured myself doing that, and I have added to my list of things I would like to do "Play Mrs. Hannigan from Annie--you know Carol Burnett played that roll." She has the best songs, my favorite being the one she sings to Daddy Warbucks, and I just LOVE Daddy Warbucks! Well once again, I have revealed too much of myself. Hope it was amusing, and that posterity finds it useful somehow.
I come by my smile honestly, and for that I am greatful. My dad is a natrual smiler too. By the age of 4 he would occasionally play in the band with brothers and cousins. He loves all types of music and that is a love that has been passed on as well. I think that my smile has benefited me in my life, I can think of a couple times it has won me jobs. Applying for my first at ISU Speech Path, as a 18 year old work study, I know that when I was asked about my computer experience and I said "Well I love to play solitare, I think I really teaches you how to use a mouse" probably wasn't what won me the job! hehe
I know I have inherited my smile from my dad. I have 2 brothers from his current marriage. While I have not had the priveldge of straight teeth and braces, You can tell we are brothers and sister because we have the same big smiles, and I would go as far as calling them permagrins! A few years back we all went to an amusement center where everything was dark, except the things that were white were really florescent! It was like being in Alice in Wonderland, and all you could see was 4 Chesshire smiles!
I am proud of my smile, but it has gotten me into trouble a few times. When I worked at the Health Department I occasionally met funeral home directors who came for death certificates. Apparently they only like to work with people who can have a serious face all the time. I asked on of them "I know that death is a sad thing, but why are all you guys always so serious all the time? It makes me nervous!" He smiled a little and said "We are not allowed to smile during work. People don't trust us if we do. Can you imagine if we did: Everyone would think 'hey look at that jerk! We just lost our __________ and all he can think about is the money it is making for him." I though that was a point well taken. While I am still usually the only person at a funeral smiling, I try to hide behind Seans shoulder so that it is not blaring at the families. But I do still stick out!
Another cause for trouble is picture time! Especailly when I was young and beautiful---while it was over 10 years ago, it is a true story, they were always trying to get those serious shots. " "Look lovingly into his eyes, don't smile so big, don't laugh, think about something really deep and meaningful," were always the things that were said to me. The few serious photos they tried to take of me were a joke, because you would see Sean looking so sweet and sexy, and you would see me with a smurk from trying to be serious, but that smile just came anyway.
Yet another time for trouble is when you are walking into labor with a big smile on your face, and say "I think I am in labor!" Nurses response: "Oh no you are not honey, trust me, you would not be smiling." The reason for the problem: They find out you are dilated to almost a 5 and when they ask if you want an epidural, and you say "do it get much worse than this?" they say "Oh no honey, You are past the worst part of it. There is nothing more exhilarating then knowing that you gave birth to your child without any pain meds." Ya, that is such a lie. After 4 hours of pushing a transverse baby, using the vaccume multiple times, forcepts, adding an extra obstatrition I was begging him "Please, can't you do anything for me!?!" The only thing that got that kid delivered was when the doctors started telling nurses we would need an emergancy Csection. I was so angry, that after all I went thru, there was no way I was having surgery to boot, so I pushed that baby out, I did not care what the ramifications would be to my body!
Lesson 4. Believe it or not, I did try out for drill team in Junior High. I tried so hard, and I really hoped to be chosen, but many 12 year olds lack the coordination to move, smile and count at the same time. While other girls moved and counted, I smiled and moved, but without the counting, you end up moving like a monkey. Dang! No drill team for me. boo.
My final curse of smiling: Let me begin by saying I love to sing. In my head I am a really good singer. Since I have only ever been in the basic choirs, I have never had anything say "she is a really good singer, what a beautiful voice." As a child and teen, I would sit in my room for hours singing various songs. I would sing my heart out in the car and shower when no one was around. I would make recordings of myself singing, and listen to them to see if they were really good. I also loved musicals, my favorites being Joseph and the Amazing technicolored dream coat and Fiddler on the Roof. My Junior year of high school, Poky put on the play Fiddler on the roof! I was elated. I had seen that show a hundred times, and sung to it a million times. No one could be more qualified than me. I was pretty sure that I would have my pick of leading female parts. We had to prepare an audition piece. All the girls did 'matchmaker', and the choir and drama directors were very sick of that, but that was not a problem for me because I chose 'Anatevka' a song about the poor families being driven out of their homes and community. I practiced and practiced, and come tryouts I was prepared and confident! I sang with all my heart, and I didn't feel one bit nervous. When the results were posted, I knew that noone could have wanted it more than me, so I looked at the list, and moved lower, and lower, and reached the bottom. My name was not even on the list. I was not even one of the 60 townspeople, or a person who was on stage to move props! I knew this had to be a mistake, so I asked one of my good friends Eric, who worked closely with the drama teacher and was at all of the auditions. "Why did I not get in?" He though back to the auditions and chuckled. Soon his chuckles turned into a belly laugh, then a belly laugh that hurts. When he could catch his composure (and breat) he said "Michelle, you were so funny! You were up there just as happy as could be, Huge smile, singing, just like this was the best day of your life. (Sounded like a compliment to me.) He contuned: "But Michelle, that song is about the worst day of peoples lives. They are being driven from their homes, and they already were living under such awful circumstances, and things would only be getting worse. You totally should have been so lonely and bewildered that the words could hardly come to you!" "Oh," I said. "So basically I was too happy?" "Yep." he said. "Well, if it matters, I am not feeling to great now." I said. I think that was too little too late, because the play went on without me.
So, while I did learn these lessons, I am afraid I am one of those people who has to learn them a few times. I still cannot be serious for photos, and I go into the doctors in a lot of pain with a big smile on my face and say "I'm doing pretty good". I have not tried to dance or participate in a musical since that, and I still smile at funerals. I honestly don't think that will ever change, but unless you are in for a good laugh, If the Mystique ever puts on "Joseph" or "Fiddler" you probably should not tell me. I have pictured myself doing that, and I have added to my list of things I would like to do "Play Mrs. Hannigan from Annie--you know Carol Burnett played that roll." She has the best songs, my favorite being the one she sings to Daddy Warbucks, and I just LOVE Daddy Warbucks! Well once again, I have revealed too much of myself. Hope it was amusing, and that posterity finds it useful somehow.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
ETHAN
Tonight we made an awesome observation that pretty much cemented the name Ethan Sean Gordon. Ethan is composed of Each of the kids names.
Emily
naTHAn
jaroN
Can you believe how that worked! We still have 10 weeks, so anything can change, but I am getting the feeling that this may be right.
Ethan is a biblical name meaning strong and firm. (Makes me nervous as a teenager, but one thing I have learned is that if you teach them well as a child, you have less to worry about when they are teens because they are well rooted, and don't give into peer pressure as easily.
I am feeling good about this. That is exciting.
Emily
naTHAn
jaroN
Can you believe how that worked! We still have 10 weeks, so anything can change, but I am getting the feeling that this may be right.
Ethan is a biblical name meaning strong and firm. (Makes me nervous as a teenager, but one thing I have learned is that if you teach them well as a child, you have less to worry about when they are teens because they are well rooted, and don't give into peer pressure as easily.
I am feeling good about this. That is exciting.
Doing better
So I am doing a lot better now. My dad called, and I vented to him. After an earful he pretty much told me to grow up and that I had way too much to do to worry about anything other then myself, Sean, Nate, Jaron, and Emily. (I am sure that the baby is considered an extention of me. hehe) BTW: we are leaning toward the name Ethan. As Emily puts it "It's the only name we all can agree on!" I think only a few people can get away with telling you to "grow up" (spouse and parents) without it getting you angry.
Luckily after that part of the talk, he gave me plenty of encouragement, reminding me "you are doing a great job, for whatever reason you are being challenged now, it will precede a blessing." I hope he is right, and for the moment, that is what I am holding to, and praying that I will be strong, and healthy, and that I can be a source of strength for my family. So I am signing off, so that I can go hug my husband :)
Luckily after that part of the talk, he gave me plenty of encouragement, reminding me "you are doing a great job, for whatever reason you are being challenged now, it will precede a blessing." I hope he is right, and for the moment, that is what I am holding to, and praying that I will be strong, and healthy, and that I can be a source of strength for my family. So I am signing off, so that I can go hug my husband :)
Readers beware!!!!
Anyone who has talked with me knows that one of my strengths is perhaps my biggest weakness: I have a big mouth that pretty much spews out whatever I am thinking with very little disgression. I should find a politically correct way to vent, but I say it plain, and hope that the listener will be able to figure out why it was said. SO.....If you precede, do so with caution, this is my journal, and if you are too nervous to deal with it, then please, don't read it.
My first question that isn't a question: If you truly are in need of something, but no body can or will do anything to help you, Is it worth stating? I think not. Those who really care will just feel bad that they cannot help you, and those who don't care will just have dirt on you to talk to others about. So No, I don't think you should share. BUT, I do think that it should be vented. You can vent to a caring friend or family member over the phone or lunch, or you can vent by writing it. You may choose to write it down and then throw it away, or you can preserve it for posterity, or you can be an open book so that other people who may read it can think "Hey, I can relate to that!" Well, I guess I am putting myself out there in hopes that as I heal, others will reap some benefit as well.
A lot of spiritual meetings or athletics training will talk about how wonderful the lesson of endurance is. I am sure it is great after the fact, but while you are enduring, it totally sucks. It feels so overpowering, that you just think I cannot go thru this a be a better person, It is totally bringing out the worst in me! I should not think this way, but I think that sometimes the hardest time is when everything seems so good. I live in a beautiful home, nice neighborhood, wonderful husband with adorable smart kids, we are all healthy. What in the heck could I possible be discouraged about? I am lucky to not be dealing with a divorce, sick children, living in a dangerous situation, etc. Well hey!!!!! I want to know the same thing!!!!! REALLY!!! What the heck could I feel discouraged about!
As I sit in my seemingly perfect world, I think: I feel lonely. How can that be. In an hour I may feel like I have a million friends. How can such extreme feelings change so quickly. I had a dream last night that a church member contacted me who wanted to come over for her church calling, and I said to her: "No thanks! I go to church and sit by myself, My children have been mistreated, and the only people who talk to my husband are previous friends.....I am lonely at church, so why don't you just visit with me there!" I feel shocked at my dream, but I realize that is how I feel. I know that people are busy and have thier own families to take care of, but sometime I just can't believe how isolated I feel.
When we moved here I felt such energy. It seemed great that there were so many freedoms for the kids. It seemed great that there were so many church members, and so many good people. Now I long for the days in my first neighborhood of "newly wed and nearly dead", (so rude I know!) But we were needed. I had to do my calling (or 3) because there was so much need, and not enough people. I knew my neighbors, because they were out gardening and mowing lawns and sitting on the porch. Now I wonder if there is a magic neighborhood ferry, because you never see your neighbors, and if you do, they are busy visiting with someone else.
Now I know that I am not totally innocent here. Perhaps my personality has changed. I look back and realize: "Wow, it was a year ago that I hit my head and started getting these headaches. I have hardly left my home since then, and I have not invited people to my home since then. I have rarely made it to church, not volunteered at the school. I have not done my callings, and when I have been invited to events, I have only been able to make it about 20% of the time." So yes, it does appear that I have changed. And now I am the person who sits alone, rather than the person who moves to sit with someone, and last time I cried in public it was the new person who comforted me, but my heart is the same. I would much rather prefer to be the person who comforts that the person who needs comforted, and it is rare when I am the person who extends the hand of service, but I do still love and care for and pray for the needs of others that I am aware of.
When Sean lost his job, our home teacher came and visited us. It was very reassuring, and we have a couple of really sweet friends who have expressed love and concern for us, and we know that we have been in peoples prayers. That means so much to us, and I know that we have been blessed from it. When started getting my headaches last year, we had help with meals and with our children, and we did feel fellowship from that. With the recent headaches we have again recieved help from friends and family, and it is so wonderful. Perhaps I am just combining my frustration of my headaches and guilt of the lack of what I can do and placing it where I should not. I just do feel very frustrated with my situation.
How can I feel my importance, and help my family to realize theirs? Where are we going to be in 6 -12 months physically and spiritually? Am I where I am supposed to be, or did selfish desires bring me to a place where I cannot be who I need to be? Will I ever be the person I was or the person I can be? These are sincere questions. Where do I find the answers, and will I find them before I do harm? It has been a rough day, and it is only 3:00. I hope to find peace, and I need to pull myself together before my family comes home. I am sure that my next entry will be full of optimism and gratitude, but I guess it can't always be sunshine and butterflies, right!?!
My first question that isn't a question: If you truly are in need of something, but no body can or will do anything to help you, Is it worth stating? I think not. Those who really care will just feel bad that they cannot help you, and those who don't care will just have dirt on you to talk to others about. So No, I don't think you should share. BUT, I do think that it should be vented. You can vent to a caring friend or family member over the phone or lunch, or you can vent by writing it. You may choose to write it down and then throw it away, or you can preserve it for posterity, or you can be an open book so that other people who may read it can think "Hey, I can relate to that!" Well, I guess I am putting myself out there in hopes that as I heal, others will reap some benefit as well.
A lot of spiritual meetings or athletics training will talk about how wonderful the lesson of endurance is. I am sure it is great after the fact, but while you are enduring, it totally sucks. It feels so overpowering, that you just think I cannot go thru this a be a better person, It is totally bringing out the worst in me! I should not think this way, but I think that sometimes the hardest time is when everything seems so good. I live in a beautiful home, nice neighborhood, wonderful husband with adorable smart kids, we are all healthy. What in the heck could I possible be discouraged about? I am lucky to not be dealing with a divorce, sick children, living in a dangerous situation, etc. Well hey!!!!! I want to know the same thing!!!!! REALLY!!! What the heck could I feel discouraged about!
As I sit in my seemingly perfect world, I think: I feel lonely. How can that be. In an hour I may feel like I have a million friends. How can such extreme feelings change so quickly. I had a dream last night that a church member contacted me who wanted to come over for her church calling, and I said to her: "No thanks! I go to church and sit by myself, My children have been mistreated, and the only people who talk to my husband are previous friends.....I am lonely at church, so why don't you just visit with me there!" I feel shocked at my dream, but I realize that is how I feel. I know that people are busy and have thier own families to take care of, but sometime I just can't believe how isolated I feel.
When we moved here I felt such energy. It seemed great that there were so many freedoms for the kids. It seemed great that there were so many church members, and so many good people. Now I long for the days in my first neighborhood of "newly wed and nearly dead", (so rude I know!) But we were needed. I had to do my calling (or 3) because there was so much need, and not enough people. I knew my neighbors, because they were out gardening and mowing lawns and sitting on the porch. Now I wonder if there is a magic neighborhood ferry, because you never see your neighbors, and if you do, they are busy visiting with someone else.
Now I know that I am not totally innocent here. Perhaps my personality has changed. I look back and realize: "Wow, it was a year ago that I hit my head and started getting these headaches. I have hardly left my home since then, and I have not invited people to my home since then. I have rarely made it to church, not volunteered at the school. I have not done my callings, and when I have been invited to events, I have only been able to make it about 20% of the time." So yes, it does appear that I have changed. And now I am the person who sits alone, rather than the person who moves to sit with someone, and last time I cried in public it was the new person who comforted me, but my heart is the same. I would much rather prefer to be the person who comforts that the person who needs comforted, and it is rare when I am the person who extends the hand of service, but I do still love and care for and pray for the needs of others that I am aware of.
When Sean lost his job, our home teacher came and visited us. It was very reassuring, and we have a couple of really sweet friends who have expressed love and concern for us, and we know that we have been in peoples prayers. That means so much to us, and I know that we have been blessed from it. When started getting my headaches last year, we had help with meals and with our children, and we did feel fellowship from that. With the recent headaches we have again recieved help from friends and family, and it is so wonderful. Perhaps I am just combining my frustration of my headaches and guilt of the lack of what I can do and placing it where I should not. I just do feel very frustrated with my situation.
How can I feel my importance, and help my family to realize theirs? Where are we going to be in 6 -12 months physically and spiritually? Am I where I am supposed to be, or did selfish desires bring me to a place where I cannot be who I need to be? Will I ever be the person I was or the person I can be? These are sincere questions. Where do I find the answers, and will I find them before I do harm? It has been a rough day, and it is only 3:00. I hope to find peace, and I need to pull myself together before my family comes home. I am sure that my next entry will be full of optimism and gratitude, but I guess it can't always be sunshine and butterflies, right!?!
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Emily's Prayer
Yesterday I was in my room with yet another day of headaches. Nate and Jaron were having some friends over for a Friday the 13th party, and I wanted to talk to Sean before the kids came. They were in the kitchen getting ready to eat, and it was Emily's turn for prayer. It went pretty much like this:
Dear Heavenly Father,
We are thankful for this day. Please bless that we can have a good day. Please bless that we will have a great day. Help us to have a good day. Thank you for dinner. Please bless mommy that she will feel better. Please bless that the baby can be good while he is inside her. Please bless that he will be good when he comes out, and that he will be good inside her and not kick and hurt her. Thank you for this day. In the name of Jesus Christ, AMEN.
Now I think that was a pretty great prayer!
Dear Heavenly Father,
We are thankful for this day. Please bless that we can have a good day. Please bless that we will have a great day. Help us to have a good day. Thank you for dinner. Please bless mommy that she will feel better. Please bless that the baby can be good while he is inside her. Please bless that he will be good when he comes out, and that he will be good inside her and not kick and hurt her. Thank you for this day. In the name of Jesus Christ, AMEN.
Now I think that was a pretty great prayer!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Yeah! 2 days without killer headaches
I don't want to jinx myself, but I have gone 2 days without killer headaches that last all day! I have not been headache free, but I would say the bad ones have not lasted more than 2 hours at a time, so I have been able to function. 3 days in a row I have prepared meals for my family. For me that is huge! Granted day1 was crockpot stew, Day 3 was grilled cheese and leftover stew, BUT Day 2 was Fettuccini Alfredo, garlic bread, green beans, and something else! PLUS each day we have been able to get the dishes done, Kitchen and family room cleaned by 6-7 giving us time to play and read before bedtime! Today I made cookies for Nates Lego team, and the kids to scouts on time!!!!! To top it all off I did 2 hours of homework with Jaron. I have not yelled or swore once (I know I totally shouldn't admit that, but come on when you are in constant pain for a long time you get a little worn down, and sometimes the cuss words fly.)
Dianne has been a real help to us the last few weeks when times have been really hard, and Melody brought us a pizza on night when otherwise Nate would have fixed us PB&Js again (something no 10 year old should have to do on a regular basis!), so I do feel so greatful to them, along with gma and gpa bringing soup and lasagna a couple times, Royce gettting us Subway, and mom picking up TacoBell. Thank you so much for wonderful family and friends, It has been lonely having to be in my room with a migraine knowing that my kids are alone with only a TV and a dog, not knowing if I would be able to come down that day or not. Poor Sean, he has had to worry about finances, work, and entertaining kids and taking care of a sick wife, yet he has been so good to me. He is truly my best friend, and I am glad that he is my eternal companion! Thanks to for such wonderful kids. They are so loving to me and so forgiving of my MANY weaknesses! I feel so blessed.........
Dianne has been a real help to us the last few weeks when times have been really hard, and Melody brought us a pizza on night when otherwise Nate would have fixed us PB&Js again (something no 10 year old should have to do on a regular basis!), so I do feel so greatful to them, along with gma and gpa bringing soup and lasagna a couple times, Royce gettting us Subway, and mom picking up TacoBell. Thank you so much for wonderful family and friends, It has been lonely having to be in my room with a migraine knowing that my kids are alone with only a TV and a dog, not knowing if I would be able to come down that day or not. Poor Sean, he has had to worry about finances, work, and entertaining kids and taking care of a sick wife, yet he has been so good to me. He is truly my best friend, and I am glad that he is my eternal companion! Thanks to for such wonderful kids. They are so loving to me and so forgiving of my MANY weaknesses! I feel so blessed.........
Friday, November 6, 2009
That's a doosey
Vote Nate 4 President!!!
We played up the term "Nate is Great!" Friday the 5th graders met together to hear the speeches. Nate did all his posters and his speech completly on his own, so it was so neat to see him read it. I loved seeing the confidence he has in himself, and it was really funny to see him joke around with his classmates! I was so proud of him!
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